Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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