Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
