I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
