So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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