Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
