the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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