Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
