somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
