I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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