How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
