She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
