Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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