Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
