Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
