You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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