is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
