So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
