i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
