dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
