i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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