i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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