I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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