I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
