omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I checked into jail on foursquare
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
