I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
