i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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