I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
