sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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