My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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