I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i out mim tonsoeep
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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