I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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