Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
