i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
