We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
