i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
