I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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