Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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