My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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