Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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