I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
