I CAN MOONWALK!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
