I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
