I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
