All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
