What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Randomize
