we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
