How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
