I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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