i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
