You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
