omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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