i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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