Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
