I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
