ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
