we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I AM VODKA MAN
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
